How I Cured Myself From The Suicide Disease: 10 Questions for Raw Vegan Squeegy Beckenheim

Hi Guys,

Today I have an interview for you with someone who healed herself from what is commonly known as “the suicide disease”, the world’s most painful neurological condition. It has no cure. And yet my interviewee today is 100% percent certain she will make a full recovery, having already reduced her pain by 70%.

How did she do it?

I have procured an incredible interview with her to let you all know. It is not only extremely vital info for all people with chronic pain or allegedly incurable diseases to read, since it might give them ideas for things to try they have never considered before, but also an amazingly insightful interview for people like me on the fruity path, dealing with doing something so extreme and non mainstream. So much good advice in this one.

My fascination with Squeegy’s story began when I first read a post she wrote about her 10 month descent into the world of fruitarianism in the awesome raw food Facebook group Reach4Raw. Here is a taste (the original post I read can be found at the end of the interview in its entirety!):

A bit about the journey. It’s the end of month 10 for me. From SAD to Fruitarian. 100% Raw. From being on bed rest. To waking up to see the sunrise …. From being so ill that I was planning on jumping off the Arroyo Seco Bridge. I remember being extra annoyed that the City recently installed these anti-suicide chain link fences.


About 4 years ago I was electrocuted in an Industrial Accident. The Maytag Dryer in our home went live and 220V went thru me and gave me what is described as a macro shock. It went thru one hand, across my heart, into my head and then out the other side. Many Doctors and many people kept saying, “You could have died.” And I kept thinking to myself how annoying that was. Because it gave me Trigeminal Neuralgia, by burning the nerves there.


Trigeminal Neuralgia is known as the world’s most painful neurological condition aka The Suicide Disease. Because the pain is so bad that people kill themselves to get away from it.


So I spent about 25K and three years trying to treat it. The story features many Lawyers and many Doctors who made it worse. Much worse. All Highly qualified Idiots. Including giving me medications that made me want to die. Suicidal Ideation. I got fat, cause I could barely move. Most days the pain was a 9 on a 1-10 scale. It hurt to cry, because the tears would touch my electrical burning face. So I tried not to.


At one point a psychologist asked me how I coped and I told her … “I dissociate. I leave this Reality.” She nodded and wrote something on her laptop. Or maybe she was just playing computer Boggle …

If you can’t bear not to hear the end of the story, scroll down to the bottom to read the rest… otherwise, onwards to the interview!

10 Questions for Squeegy Beckenheim:

1. Could you say a little bit about yourself to get us started, whatever comes to mind.

I use the name Squeegy Beckenheim and I live in Pasadena California with Mister Squeegy and some cats and a whole bunch of plants and about 1 billion books. I was raised on a cattle ranch in New Mexico, 5 miles from the Navajo Reservation. My family built an adobe house on my great grandfather’s homestead land. My brother and I played on the ruins of his log cabin which was sunken about 4-5 feet into the ground. We’d hunt pottery shards and arrowheads in the sage brush. Very Georgia O’Keefe cow bones and skulls and wild flowers childhood. Profound and deep stillness on 166 acres. Tiny Ranch, Enormous Sky. I was raised around many a Shaman, naked sweat lodges, outhouses, bulls that charge for no apparent reason, and actual Horses with No Names. Jolly Rancher Firesticks, rodeos, and all the kids thrown in the back of a truck with a feral dog on a chain. Fourth poorest School district in the USA. Wonder bread and cherry Kool-Aid. Two movies to show all Winter and no vacuum cleaner in the school. It was Candide; the best of all possible worlds.

Despite being raised by complete hippies … I come from a long line of non-vegetarians. I am pretty sure they don’t know what a Vegan is out there. On our ranch we raised chickens, geese, pigs, ducks, rabbits and cows. On butchering day we kids would boil the feathers off the chickens and pluck them. It seemed normal, in an abnormal way to me. I didn’t see meat in a plastic package in a store until I was in 6th grade. Alternative health care was unknown to our Family. I love my Family, but they firmly walk the line of modern medicine and, “meat that is organic.” They Are True Believers. As a result I have been dosed up with so many antibiotics, I have no tonsils and I hate to think of how smart I would be if I hadn’t been vaccinated with every vaccine ever invented. Raised on meat and dairy, I was certain that a glass of milk and a burger would make me strong. Because all day every day every authority figure and institute told me that was true. They had big fancy wall charts after all, they must be right? Pyramids are always right.

And then. I took the Red Pill.

2. Can you describe your accident and what life was like for you after that? In your post on reach4raw you said you had what doctors call “the suicide disease” because of the unbearable chronic pain. How did you deal with that amount of pain? What was life like for you during that time?

Hmmm … Imagine the Song Hotel California on repeat for… about three solid years here?

I was electrocuted by my Maytag Clothing Dryer now 4 years ago. It gave me Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Being electrocuted feels like your brain and thought processes … even the inside of your body has turned into that late night TV static that used to happen in the 1970’s. Nothing feels right. Trigeminal neuralgia pain feels like a baseball bat shattered every bone in exactly half your face, broke out all your teeth and your mouth is filling with blood as your eyeball threatens to explode because it has a heart beating in it. Even now, 4 years later I can tell you my relationship with electricity is not normal. I feel electricity and can sense it quickly. I remember wishing I could live in a tent with no electricity near me.


For pain, I remember inventing a technique where I could lay perfectly still. No movement. Everything hurt. Even trying not to blink. I would set the laptop on me and plug myself in to anything mindless … I lived on Planet Netflix. This allowed me not to feel as much pain. I dissociated a lot. It was hard to walk up stairs as I had so much pain. I was basically bed ridden for about three years. No one was thrilled with this. I watched friends vanish and calls stop. People can only take so much.

The symbol for Trigeminal Neuralgia is the painting by Edvard Munch entitled The Scream. World’s most painful neurological condition. That is what I was facing. (Face-ing ha! ha!) …. One second I was doing the laundry … and then … Blammo!

3. How did you find out about juicing or raw food and how did you decide to start doing it one day?

The real answer to this question is one that might sound crazier that … most are prepared for. Although … really if you are reading this far …. In a desperate state of prayer-meditation I was told to by the inner voice, voice of god, intuition, guardian angel … whatever you want to call it. Oprah-Jesus-Dr. Phil told me to.

You know … Big booming voice of Moses told me to juice fast. That happened the day that everything shattered. I was at the final neurosurgeon visit. I was incredibly sick, intensely desperate and I was ignored. I even told him I was suicidal. I think that visit cost me almost a thousand dollars. I broke that day. It’s not something that anyone could repair. I lost all of my belief in what most people consider to be True. If it is true that your Doctors have no desire to help you and in fact only want to steal your money … how much of an obligation do you have … to anyone anymore? All Bets are off.

That was the day that all the brainwash and nonsense fell off me. It shattered. And that was the day I started a juice fast that lasted 55 days.

I had a very good friend who was juice fasting at the time. She was doing it for weight loss. About a month before I expressed to her that I was curious and she told me not to do it. LOL! So you know I had to. Yeah. People telling me not to do things seems to be a recurring theme for me.

Ironically she went on to finish over 100 days of juice fasting and now she’s turned back to eating meat and being trapped in the world of drugs and allopathy. Despite getting off her high blood medication and losing weight that had plagued her and tortured her life. She looked back … turned into a pillar of salt. Not everyone makes it out you know? She even thinks that the kale somehow poisoned her. People are on their own journeys. As much as you may long to argue, their paths are not guided by what you think is right for them. Only they know that. The only way to help anyone change their mind about this kind of thing is to heal yourself and be radiantly healthy. Then people are attracted. Everything else is a waste of time. Change yourself …put on your own oxygen mask first. Use every bit of the energy you have to change … and other people around you can change. Love people where they are at or … you are going to be very freaked out. And that is not good.

4. Did you immediately start feeling better once you got on raw food? Or did changes occur gradually? How did you know you were on the right path?

I started with Juice Fasting. I was sick as a dog and in bed for the first three days. It was like having the flu, but worse as I had told Mister Squeegy what I was up to. (A habit I later learned is probably not a good plan. Don’t burden yourself with the secrets of scary people … LOL I think that is a quote from Batman) He was worried, he tried to stop me. But I knew what I was doing was right. Most of the time. There is a shadow of a doubt of course. And there are times that the pain got worse. There were also days when I felt better than I did when I was 12 years old.

I didn’t know that the initial juice fast was going to be 55 days long. I just did one day at a time. Some days it was 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it was so hard I would scream in the car and pound the steering wheel. Most people skip that part, they gloss over it. But … I just stopped eating the SAD Standard American Diet and started juice fasting. Egg McMuffin that morning and kale juice that night. Later I learned that was insane. But I was already crazy … God protects the little children and the insane.

Also I had nothing to lose. Don’t ever kid yourself, people who have nothing to lose are very dangerous, interesting and unpredictable. One is never sure if they are lighting a match to light themselves on fire, burn down your house or fly like a Phoenix out of ashes. If you have ever been in the rarified position of not having anything to lose, you know what I mean. It’s tremendously powerful. A spot where everything becomes possible because you are stripped down … Because really we are working that way from the time we are born. But we forget. Raw food is one of the things that helps us remember this and connects us to God. We remember that we are the Sacred Daughter of Mother Earth. That we were loved utterly and completely before we were even born.

As to how do you know you are on the right path? You won’t always know it. Sometimes you’ll be convinced you are on the wrong path. That is why an online presence is important. Being able to reassure yourself in moments of doubt. Seems really normal.

5. You have now successfully reduced your pain by around 70% (correct me if I am wrong). That is incredibly amazing. Do you think you will eventually get down to 0% pain and heal completely? Was there anything specific you did, you think, to heal, or was it simply a matter of fruits and vegetables? In other words, what do you think made you heal?

That is true. I was stuck at 65% improvement for a very long time. Another 5% happened after I did a 10 day Master Cleanse. Which is a lemon juice cayenne pepper cleanse designed to clean the guts. It’s all about getting the guts cleaned up enough that upper circulation and brain lymph can move and drain. Dr. Robert Morse talks a lot about this.

Dr. Robert Morse

Everything I did was to clean the intestines …90 days total juice fasting. 10 days total water fasting. 5 days of that was consecutive. I saw Dragons. Mono fruit fasting. 18 days on grapes. Two trees worth of oranges. Four trees of Lemons. About … 100 watermelons. I love a mono fruit fast probably more than most. I have just started an all fruit fast. Melons, berries, fruits … very few greens. Designed to detoxify.

I have zero doubt that I will heal 100%. I can see it, taste it, feel it. I dream it and I work on it every day. I have for over eleven months. I read books, articles and talk to people on Facebook about Raw Food. I have several degrees at this point from University of You Tube.

I went to Raw food, high fruit. As of this moment it’s been…. 40ish days on incredibly high fruit with one slip … I ate a handmade tortilla and … the pain … the cooked food wakes up the sleeping crocodile of pain. To me, cooked food is dead food and I spent several years being dead. So … I eat the living food. It’s simple and it is terribly hard at the same time. It isn’t always easy, but it is always worth the effort.

Alternative methods I used to heal included having the ambition to grown my own vegetable garden from seed. I want to grow 50% of what I eat by next year. I have plans to add fruit trees. More than we have now. We have loquats, pomegranates, oranges, and lemons. I have four volunteer fig trees, a lemon and a loquat for late fall planting so far. There will be more!

I hang upside down on my old clothesline in a bikini (I need the sunlight on my skin to heal) … and I swing back and forth looking at the corn I am growing. Doesn’t every really great success story have a blonde in a bikini on a pole? I juiced every day for months and months. Probably 9 months solid. I got to the point I was so good at it I could have opened a juice bar.

I eat edible weeds from the garden and want to learn more about foraging. I do a lot of laughing. I avoid stressful people and situations as much as I can. **Hey! Look! What is that over there!?” <—————–… **runz away!** Stress can still activate my pain. My adrenals need more time to heal.

Money has obviously been very tight, but even that I try to see that as a way to get creative. I have a Food Processor from 1979 that cost me $1.50 at the thrift store. Most days it tells me to wear bell bottoms and go to the Disco, but it makes kick ass banana ice cream. So I forgive it these quirks. It’s a low rent vitamix.

I don’t have a great belief that organic produce is superior to commercial. But So Cal is very close to Mexico. That may make a difference. Growing your own is the way to really deeply connect. Nothing is like that and it is a rare privilege.

Read encouraging material, and love the crap outta the world. Fruit makes you love everything anyhow. It won’t be hard. Trust me. I look trustworthy right? Clearly!

6. In Reach4Raw, you wrote about your experience with watermelon island. What was that like, do you recommend people give it a try, and why do you think your body loves watermelon so much?

I think watermelons are easier on my body than grapes. A grape fast pulls acids so fast that it is hard to keep ahead of. Watermelon seems kinder. Watermelons are a fruit and a vegetable. You can juice the rind as you can with all melons. It’s just huge, happy and cheap. (that sounds so wrong … but if watermelon s wrong, I don’t wanna be right.)

Each fruit and fasting technique is a bit different for everyone. I play with my food. It is very rare that I am not on a big detox plan. I eat 80-10-10 when I eat.

I drink lemons or limes in water all day long regardless … I started that in December when I was freezing and it really helps me with salt cravings.

7. What do your family and friends think of raw food. Have any of them been inspired to try it themselves because of how much it has changed your life or did they give you a hard time about it? Any tips for dealing with that?

I’m extremely Secretive about what I do. Because the stakes are too high for me to get messed up by well meaning but ignorant friends or loved ones. I have no problem not explaining myself. Or misdirecting people if it starts to get ugly. Often it is easier for me to just let people repeat “what they know” … rather than having an argument. I don’t need the stress. I mean stress can flare up Trigeminal Neuralgia and land me in bed for 48 hours unable to open or blink my eye without horrific pain. So, yeah. I’m the Secretest of Secret Vegans. Unless I trust someone … I won’t bother. I expect that will change as I heal. But for now that is my technique.

Mister Squeegy is a sometimes vegetarian. He has a friend who is a Vegan … a strict Vegan … an older man in his 70’s who looks to be in his 50’s. So that has helped. I got terrible meat aversion by Day 22 of my very first juice fast. So … cooking meat is not ideal for me. It makes me want to throw up. And again, I wasn’t trying to make that happen. It was … as if a biological switch was flipped.

I guess my tip is … Just Lie like a Rug?

I’m so helpful right!?

No. but seriously if you are hurt, and in chronic pain, do whatever it takes to get yourself out. Once a person described this to me as “Ethical Lying.”

8. Do you have any tips for people people with chronic pain starting on raw food, and do you think people with chronic pain have a shot and can heal themselves (my best friend has a never ending head ache)? What should they do in your opinion to heal?

I think raw food is a miracle healing tool, 100% Raw will heal and does heal anything. Anything. In my opinion. All of it. And it does it fast. Much faster than anything else.

I started eating Raw Food by simply adding more fruit. I do a few more fresh raw ripe fruits and veggies every day if I can. I think most people on SAD can start with green juices and move to more fruit. I think people already know by the time they read this what to do as far as … “Should I juice fast?” “Yes.” “Should I fruit fast?” Yes. Should I XYZ? Yes yes and yes. Whatever that thing is in your mind that you want to do, but are a bit scared of … that is what you should do. If you need someone’s permission? Then yes, I will sign your permission slip. But you don’t need anyone but yourself. Locate that steel inside you and link yourself to it. Go on the adventure. I mean really go for it. Dr. Robert Morse says, “Wear the Robe.” Yes.

Now when you have chronic pain … you have to stay in the moment. Make the next decision that right decision and baby step. You’ll mess it up but who cares? You can get back up. I did some seriously stupid and disastrous things along that way and none of it hurt me in any permanent way. Stomach aches really teach us quickly turns out. You will have trouble, but who cares? You are basically going to get yourself a miracle if you give yourself long enough …

Honestly it feels to me like I dug myself out of my own grave. Using raw fruits and vegetables. I didn’t use herbs, or many supplements.

9. Have you learned any lessons that you can think of on your journey that come to mind?

Tell yourself again and again that you can do this. Then tell yourself again that you can do it. Remember who you are … who you were before you were born even and who you return to. Don’t pretend you are less than what you are. It’s a boring way to live.

Be proud to go against the grain and wake up. Most of the current world is eating SAD and walking around like Zombies. Wake up buttercup!

Love everyone and every thing that will let you. Dance around with a cat. Sing loudly and badly. Laugh a lot. Cry when you want to right? It’s Your Party.

10. What has been the most amazing part of your journey so far?

So many. The day the Lemon tree told me her name was Margaret. The day I found Dr. Robert Morse on you tube and yelled OMG that is my DOCTOR! Where was he for so long!? I had to wait to find him until I was ready. I guess. Finding people who like to talk about bananas. Awesome. The incredible beauty results. Visually you backwards age. Walk around smiling for no dang reason. I wrote a post recently about all the “gross” things that have happened to me during detox. [you can see it at the end of this post]

11. what are some of your hobbies and what do you like to do for fun?

I garden roses. I am teaching myself veggie and fruit trees. I try to plant something every day. I quilt, I sew vintage dresses from old 50’s patterns. I thrift shop for Vintage and weird stuff. I like cats and hope to get some chickens for eggs soon as my family is by no means Vegan. I’ll probably get two Giant lemish Bunnies for the garden soon. They are adorable and make amazing organic cold fertilizer. I still cook every day, which was a challenge in the beginning. I like to take pictures of the sunrise. I may get a ladder soon so I can stand on my garage and get a better view. I model nail polish for a small indie company …

12. Have you ever thought of starting a youtube channel or blog to share your story or do you have one already. If people have questions for you, where could they contact you at?

I think that youtube is highly unlikely. I hate having pictures taken, and … yeah … seems unlikely. But then a year ago if you had told me I would buy two carts full of watermelons because I was going to be high fruit detoxifying vegan I would have told you to put down your crack pipe. By the way. only 12 watermelons fit in a standard grocery cart in the USA. After that people start to stare. (safety tip)

I like to write and I like to talk about fruit … Seriously I could talk about plants for hours. Or, alternatively talk to plants for hours. I guess in a case of a 911-Squee Emergency I’m available as Squeegy Beckenheim on Facebook. I hope to be more available as I continue to heal.

I think you all should go raw vegan, play with your food. Learn how profoundly fruit can heal.

Back to me. Was that not one of the best interviews you have ever read? Amazing, right? If you have a condition that needs to be healed, would you ever give 100% raw a go? Why or why not? Please comment below!

And here are two bonus posts Squeegy wrote in Reach4Raw on Facebook. The first is the original post that sparked my interest in hearing more, much more!! about Squeegy’s story and the second is just as awesome:

A ten month recap … 

A bit about the journey. It’s the end of month 10 for me. From SAD to Fruitarian. 100% Raw. From being on bed rest. To waking up to see the sunrise …. From being so ill that I was planning on jumping off the Arroyo Seco Bridge. I remember being extra annoyed that the City recently installed these anti-suicide chain link fences.

About 4 years ago I was electrocuted in an Industrial Accident. The Maytag Dryer in our home went live and 220V went thru me and gave me what is described as a macro shock. It went thru one hand, across my heart, into my head and then out the other side. Many Doctors and many people kept saying, “You could have died.” And I kept thinking to myself how annoying that was. Because it gave me Trigeminal Neuralgia, by burning the nerves there.

Trigeminal Neuralgia is known as the world’s most painful neurological condition aka The Suicide Disease. Because the pain is so bad that people kill themselves to get away from it.

So I spent about 25K and three years trying to treat it. The story features many Lawyers and many Doctors who made it worse. Much worse. All Highly qualified Idiots. Including giving me medications that made me want to die. Suicidal Ideation. I got fat, cause I could barely move. Most days the pain was a 9 on a 1-10 scale. It hurt to cry, because the tears would touch my electrical burning face. So I tried not to.

At one point a psychologist asked me how I coped and I told her … “I dissociate. I leave this Reality.” She nodded and wrote something on her laptop. Or maybe she was just playing computer Boggle …

…. I had some steroids that pretty much made me psychotic. And none of these Doctors could understand why I hesitated when they wanted to cut open my brain and cut the nerve. Which sounded like “Hey can we poke your brain with a dirty stick cause it won’t work but we can bill your insurance and Maytag?”

Something finally broke the day I went to the Neurosurgeon and he examined me in his Gucci Loafers, didn’t answer any of my questions and had a nurse take my blood pressure 4 times til it bruised my arm. I finally ripped off the cuff. No more.

And it all broke. I no longer had any belief. I didn’t believe that they could cure me. I didn’t believe they knew anything. It was … an incurable break. I don’t believe that I will ever see another allopath. Ever.

All the pressure was off. I started a juice fast the same day. I remember that the Hubs had taken me to McDonalds that morning as a special treat. I had an Egg McMuffin. I started on green juice that same night.

Cause I was ready to join the opposite side. I was ready to get as freaky as it took ….”Show me the FREAKS! I will bring my Flag!”

In the beginning, Mister Squeegy tried to stop me. He freaked out that “I wasn’t eating anything.” He didn’t believe. But the voice in me said Juice Fast. It was loud. I didn’t really care how long it would take. I wanted the pain gone. By that time the pain was so bad my eyeball would twitch and my face would involuntary move.

I juice fasted for 55 days. In the middle of it … our refrigerator broke. I was maybe on Day … 29? I wanted to continue so I went to using watermelons. I started to feel insanely amazing. This is when I started to suspect that fruit was deeply healing. This is when I stopped believing that the 80% veg 20% fruit thing was the end al be all … Don’t tell the Reboot with Joe peeps. But I think fruit is the Queen.

I went on. Day 35 I could not stand the smell of meat. I mean I literally thought I was going to throw up in the store. I still can’t get near a butcher counter or a meat section. I can barely stand looking at drawn pictures of meat in a grocery store. I bought a lot of cookbooks in my early juice fasting days. I was in denial still I think. I no longer believed in the food pyramid. I stopped believing in Dairy. I started to suspect that I had been lied to. Everything … that was formerly a “rule” was no longer a rule.

I had a healing crisis at about day 40. I shook all over … I couldn’t get warm. Every person who had ever harmed me, including myself was 100% forgiven. I spent about 6 hours seeing things … reliving and shaking. I couldn’t really talk. I couldn’t express what was happening. It was hard to believe. I found Dr. Morse then, by googling healing crisis .. and the fruits …the fruits … the fruits … they began to whisper.

I was still somewhat in denial, as I allowed my Family to pressure me to come off the Juice fast for Thanksgiving. It was ugly. That is when I really realized that … regardless of people loving me, they didn’t know what was best for me. They feared not eating. They feared vegetables. They were stuffed with Fear.

So … I started not telling no one nuthin! Don’t ask don’t tell. No one needs to know … it will only frighten them and I still have miles to go before I sleep.

In 10 months, I have Juice Fasted a total of 90 days. I did a 10 Day by the Book Master Cleanse. I water fasted 10 days … (5 days at once and then broken up) … I have mono fasted on fruits. I ate two trees of oranges, 4 trees of lemons. I did 18 days of grapes only. I did … probably about 20ish days or so on Watermelon. I never really counted the watermelon because my body … loves it … it doesn’t seem like I need to bother counting. At 6 months or so bananas started to talk to me. They ignored me completely and suddenly they were all “HEY LADDYYYY” in a Jerry Lewis Voice. So I went … even fruitier.

A lot of stuff come outta my guts. Black foul death smelling stuff. And way way too much of it. NINE moles fell off me. I went from a size 12 to a size 4. I lost about 27 pounds … 160-133. It took me awhile and some suffering to stop coffee and cheese. The cleanses … every time I would do one I think I lost some parasites. And I would stay raw (when I was eating) … for awhile .. but I would mess it up.

And then. Something … broke. I had a series of … conflicts with people in my life. And I had the realization once again, but in a deeper way… a much deeper more serious way that … my well being … my health … my soul … has nothing to do with the man I love and am married to. Or my Family. Or my job. It has nothing to do with being raised on a cattle ranch in New Mexico where I knew exactly zero people who would even say they were vegetarians. In fact that is a bad bad word there. And I doubt they know what a Raw Vegan is …

The break happened … it felt like a rope in my guts … just … broke. With some sort of force. As if … part of me sailed away and left only the deeper anchor hooked at the bottom of the Sea. I am the anchor, solid heavy and immoveable.

Since then, I am a Fruitarian. Focusing on deeper detox. Spirit. Truth. Dreams. It’s not hard now. It was hard before. Now I feel as if …I can just acknowledge that I trust myself. That I love myself and want myself to heal. I don’t care. I’m doing what I know will heal me.

Sometimes … breaking can be good.


List of Creepy Gross Wonderful things that have happened in my Healing Journey into Detox and Raw Food in the past 11-ish months.

A total of nine of my moles fell off. Even two on my face. I am so very alkaline that they couldn’t survive anymore. They are parasites. The last one to go was on my ear. That one was tiny. It had been there for only 5 years.

My smallest toenails used to shed. Another toenail would grow under the original very small toenail, like I was a lizard. I just noticed that this hasn’t happened, I have only one toenail there, and it is not all creepy and weird.

All of my toenail fungus I got as a result of a pedicure at an unclean salon … gone. Toenails are smooth and not hard like rocks which is a sign of fungus. Allopathy uses liver killing drugs to treat toenail fungus and it doesn’t work. But raw food does.

There was a callous-corn looking thing on the outside of both pinky small toes that used to rub on my shoes. Those are gone.

I had a ganglionic cyst in my right hand by the joint of my index finger. It was painful. And it was large. When I started juice fasting, I figured it would vanish. I didn’t. In fact it got larger and more painful and actually strained at the skin. Then at month 6, it vanished. I cannot feel it there at all.

Weird black stuff came outta me during cleansing that smelled like death itself. Like … tin and spit and plutonium. I also recently had some creepy black wax come out of my ears. Which is great cause I was having trouble hearing and wanted to get an old fashioned ear cone and yell at people, “Speak up Sonny!”

One of the first things that happened was my elbows got insanely soft. They were very rough. I used to wonder if I was going around rubbing my elbows against cement walls. Or walking on them in my sleep. I told my Mom that I had spent over one million dollars on elbow creams to try and treat the situation. She said, “That’s a lot of money.” Yes. I suddenly had baby soft elbow skin. Newborn elbows. Save your money … buy fruit. Save the elbows.

Speaking of rough skin I was amazed when the bottoms of my feet got hydrated. There’s no need for a pedicure with the now illegal razor scrapping of dead skin. The bottoms of my feet stay soft. Even though I run around like a berserker with no shoes on often … (cause shoes … like bras … and clothes … are annoying)

My hair is ridiculously long curly and healthy. Seriously, it is.

Oil pulling and baking soda made my teeth so white that the astronauts can see them in the space machines and they get distracted. “For the love of GOD what is that whiteness?” “It’s Squeegy’s Teeth.”

I wake up before Dawn, I see the sunrise and the sunset every day. This is healing. I do not wake up feeling like I have a hangover.

I do not sleep poorly.

My varicose veins and spider veins are vanishing.

My cellulite is also leaving.

I still would rather starve than eat animal flesh ever again. And I mean, I was raised on a cattle ranch! I didn’t have to try for this effect, I wasn’t even aiming to have that happen. I didn’t need to watch animal torture films. I just never want the deadness, pain and rage in me.

I get long bursts of happy energy. That is sustainable and I don’t crash. I smile all the time for no reason.

That’s all I can think of … I am sure there’s more … *toasts you all with my lime juice!* Cheers My Buddies! Raw-K on! Enjoy the rest of Rawgust!

(total of 90 days of juice fasting … first one was 55 days, 10 days water fasting, mono fruit fasting. 18 day grapes, two trees of oranges, 4 trees of lemons … about 100 watermelons … a ten day Master Cleanse. Now eating high fruit for detox and have been all of Rawgust …. will probably proceed thru to Raw-tumn.)

<3 <3 <3


  1. mike says:

    thank you for sharing your experience with raw foods and how it changed your is very inspiring

  2. Stacy Jones says:

    Wow! What an inspiration!

  3. Heather says:

    You are an amazing women Squeegy

  4. Kimberly Ostlund says:

    Awesome and inspiring.

  5. Excellent interview. Love everything — the reality, the humor, the results…..Fruit is Awesome!

  6. Ann Jones says:

    Thank you so much for this very inspiring and FUNNY raw autobiographic testimony, Squeegy! Beautiful!

  7. christy villasenor says:


  8. cearaskitchen says:

    WOW! So happy that you are recovering Squeegy! What a wonderful and excellent post <3

  9. Ginger says:

    So encouraging! thank you so much <3 love you so much, love fruit so much and I'm gonna get busy doing and loving more, thank you thank you thank you. LOL this is the fruit speaking… Rock On Raw Love you all :) xxx

  10. Teri says:

    I’m gonna post this to my wall!

  11. anya says:

    AMAzing testimony ! so good to hear it – and a great read as well – lots of humour and truth! Blessings.

  12. Sheila says:

    aWEsOMe read! Amazing testimony… love it! Love the healing that occurs from eating LIVING foods!

  13. David says:

    The SAD world has a lot to learn from you. ‘Very glad you got to know Dr Morse.

  14. […] by the way, Do you remember Squeegy from the interview, who is trying to cure herself from the suicide disease and has been extremely successful using a […]

  15. RePassion says:

    Wooow!Made my day!!Soooo funnnnyy!!Love you Squeegy Beckenheim!!Thanks to Sheila!

  16. ibiza says:

    nice to meet you Squeegy Beckenheim . you have a smart and funny way to put out your story. it definitely made me double think of my food diet. will keep you posted as soon as my journey starts.

  17. […] group of people led by  raw vegans Squeegee Beckenheim, who I previously interviewed in “How I Cured Myself From the Suicide Disease”, and our interviewee today, […]

  18. eugenius says:

    ONE OF THE MOST INSPIRATIONAL STORIES ! It made me emotional and made me cry, and made me laugh at the same time. THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! <3 <3

  19. […] Fruitarians. There you can get the expert guidance and trouble shooting of Squeegee Beckenheim of “How I Cured Myself From the Suicide Disease” fame and Natalie Lenka of “I Felt Alive for the First Time in my Life” fame (both […]

  20. Billi Jo McDivitt says:

    Squeegy I so identify with you. And I have read your story on a few other occasions. But like an onion I keep seeing new layers being peeled to expose my truth as I know it. I guess we don’t hear until we are open and ready. I especially love how you say to love others where they are at. I say that a lot. And it is so profound. Everything in your story is so profound. When you know that you know that you know!! That’s when you know. Right? God Speed you beautiful Fruitarian. Much Love to you for sharing your incredible self!!!
    -Billi Jo McDivitt
    Solon OH

  21. Kat says:

    Woah .. wow.WOW!!! This story is beyond incredible.. really reached so deep, I broke down but also laughed so much. Made me more humble, immensely grateful and happy for the wonderful soul who survived her ordeal. it really put me in my place. I’m very thankful this was shared. even more thankful that the amazing lady turned to God and nature , healed herself with God’s miraculous creations. Wow!! I will have new loving eyes for this day. Aloha from Kauai and may everyone be blessed today.

  22. […] have so many!!! First up–Abbey Lee and Natalie Lenka from the Vegan Fruitarians group on Facebook. My loves. I am so happy I found […]

  23. Alva G.Baltimore says:

    This was Beautiful, Empowering, Healing and Inspirational! Mostly your story and friendship is right on time – I’m taking it as a nudge from the Universe that I’m on the right path, listen to my body and eat more FRUIT!!! Thank You both Ladies for this Interview and for Your Transparency … what a message of Hope, Strength Courage and Wisdom.

  24. Cyndi says:

    I found this site due to a friend who has TN issues. Though, I do not it is very inspirational. I like what you say here: “Be proud to go against the grain and wake up. Most of the current world is eating SAD and walking around like Zombies. Wake up buttercup!” I like what you say abt well meaning friends who are clueless abt eating healthy, I for sure have experienced that with my friends. They just aren’t on the same page as me. I’m encouraged to eat healthy again & have a new saying this time around: “Start looking like the someone whom no one knows.”

  25. Erica says:

    I have atypical neuralgia. Mine was caused by injury. I had a year where something came my way that upset me terribly. It wasn’t a death or a breakup. Without getting into it, it broke me. It would have been so easy to just pull myself out of work, time myself out, and take care of me. But I kept trying to be superwoman. In my twenties I was good at taking care of myself, especially when it came to stress. But at some point I became too self absorbed and after college sort of had a different way of life where if I forgot about myself a little, exerted myself more, my life fell into place and I had balance, peace, and strength. Years later when a hard time came my way I lost sight of returning to the ‘time out mode’ , and I was too isolated because I lived a solitary life as a single woman but I was content. I now know, it is deadly to be alone however, when marked by/going through horrific grief, absolutely deadly. Anyway, that is another subject for another time. At any rate, a medication damaged me. I experience a lot of cranial/facial pain as a result. You speak of this as the ‘suicide disease’ . I have been through so much with this thing, I spent many months searching for a euthanasia performing organization. The reason why it took so long to find one is because in America, you can only qualify for termination if you are terminally ill, which I’m not. So I kept gravitating to the category of ‘non terminally ill, but suffering’. In another country, I found an outlet that not only performs along this line, but they are sensitive to the issue of ‘suffering’. I started a membership with them. Not saying I will actually follow through, but would like the choice of life too unbearable at some point. Since having this facial neuralgia, I’ve learned the difference between ‘not feeling well’ and ‘torment’ . There’s a difference. Actually, today in the afternoon as pain was acting up, I wanted out. I just said to myself, it’s time. It IS suicidal pain. Anyway, getting to my point. So I had a salad in the refrigerator I ordered earlier today from I hop as I have been trying to increase some good food intake at the suggestion of a friend, whom I didn’t believe when they kept saying, if I eat a certain way I will heal. I have been eating lots of lettuce. I feel like a voice has been saying ‘ don’t even put dressing on it if you can stand it…..’ Out of faith I have been adding tomatoes and lately onions. Eating it all like a bird mostly for now, because one of my symptoms has been pain triggered by the act of eating itself. Well, today when I was really messed up, I said to myself go get the salad. Yesterday was the first time I ate some onions. Today’s lettuce was greener than usual and I had purple leaves. After I ate the lettuce I went to the onions and ate more than yesterday, unafraid. Like today, I noticed it yesterday but it hadn’t really registered. The potent whatever you want to call it, from the onion, almost acts like an analgesic in my tissues the minute I start chewing it. After tonight’s salad, the constant ‘chemical reaction’ I was feeling this afternoon marked by horror pain, ceased for quite a while and I sat up in front of the computer for a long time taking myself into a dimension of research I hadn’t done sine my biology days in college: molecular and atomic structure of lettuce, tomatoes and onions. I don’t know what I was trying to prove, but will say that along with the molecular structures I was shown were good write ups about these molecules, things like ’tissue repair’, ‘musculoskeletal repair’ ‘inflammation reducer, etc.’. And just before coming across this article which is inspiring me, like to a point where I’m starting to believe I can one day be more pain free , I was starting to feel a sense of hope we’ll up in me – like I can take control of this, begin to do effective things towards it through ‘power foods’ and then your article spoke to me about ‘raw food diet’ . Ithough no MRI will ever show what is wrong, and though no doctor will ever take my side that prescription medication damaged me, because of course that would mean going against another dr and God forbid we don’t want to do that; I do believe I have sustained microscopic injury. The Internet even says tests like MRIS will not show microscopic tearing/shearing, etc. but the dr.s don’t want to hear what I have to say about it along that line and so once again I am given the choice of prescription medications which of course do nothing. As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed episodes this past week where for long stretches of time I was actually smiling while sitting up in bed watching tv – something that is profound because one of the symptoms I have from all this is feeling asymmetrical behind the left side of my face, instead of ‘symmetrical’ , and so as a result, I don’t feel led to smile. Could it be that those emerging episodes are the result of better eating beginning to build up? and I’ll end on this note: I don’t remember if it was the tomato, lettuce or onion molecule, but the molecular information on one of these went so far as to say that it serves as ‘SCAFFOLDING’ to hold cellular bodies in place so repair can take its course AMAZING – and, with that being said, maybe perhaps it won’t be necessary after all to have to find a magical stem cell cure through some clinical research outlet that I would have to participate in etc., etc., maybe the answer is in this raw food thing after all. I’m looking forward to continuing to give it a try, because this woman’s testimony in all areas speaks volumes to me. I believe her. Looking forward to my next lettuce, tomato, onion run sometime tomorrow…. Let’s see how it goes ERICA

    • admin says:

      Erica, wow. thank you so much for your comment. Please join the group “vegan fruitarians” on Facebook where the person I interviewed leads the group and posts daily. All those in the group are on the correct kind of raw food diet or transitioning to it. Please post your comment there and you can get help and guidance from the members of the group. I know from the group squeegee (the interviewee) is feeling amazing these days so please reach out to her or others there. The group is “Vegan fruitarians” on Facebook. So sorry for what you have been through.

    • Diane Serino says:

      I loved your reply better than the initial post. Chronic pain, it will make you consider almost anything, even Fruit?

  26. Michella says:

    Thanks for the inspiration. I just started a fruit fast and will start herbs today. Been watching Dr Morse for a while and decided to jump in. I’m healing stage IV lung cancer with many brain mets. I’ve been lightheaded since starting the fruit 10 days ago, and I’m just a wreck. I can do this. It’s just gonna take a ton of willpower and positivity.


    • admin says:

      Hey Michella,
      Join the fb group “vegan fruitarians” on Facebook and post any need for support or questions in the group! There are thousands of very experienced people in there. Wishing you well <3

  27. Diane Serino says:

    Thank you for your reply, it was better than the original post, I am a Long time severe chronic pain person. The kind that would make one do almost any thing like… fruit.

  28. Fruititarian4life says:

    This is clearly a bogus story. Why would anyone write at such lengths about something for an interview and remain anonymous? This is the writer’s story and is an agenda being pushed- albeit an agenda that I agree with, but an agenda all the same. Just be honest with yourselves.

    • admin says:

      I think it is clear why she remains anonymous…so she can focus 100% on healing and not at all on dealing with haters and nay sayers and people who want to add any sort of negativity to her journey that is a matter of life and death. Being raw is extremely difficult in large part due to people coming at you from all sides trying to bring you down. I think it was a very wise decision to remain anonymous.

  29. Nicole says:

    Thank you for being real and sharing your story. It has inspiration and encouragement! And it may save someone for real! 💗

  30. Very sad says:

    If you attempt fruitarianism you HAVE TO use a juicer, there is no human way possible to live on this diet without one and even with one I don’t think it is possible long term. I was very skinny 155pounds and started bananas only ripe 14 days ago. For the first few days you literally feel high and happy, but you are contantly loosing weight. Today day 14 I am already down 20 pounds! yup. I feel very sick and very angry the last 5 days as I think I have proved everything I had hoped for to be only wishful thinking. I lost all appetite and can’t even eat enough bananas per day. I had to go off it and boil some squash and eat it with some avacados. I have to do green juice as well, or there is absolutely no way I am going to make it. I am on the verge of colon cancer and was told I need to have my colon removed, this was my last hope, now I think I will die because there is no way I can live loosing 10 pounds a week and not even being able to get out of bed and feeling really sick and angry. Going to start adding juices to try and get calories or I am going to die soon, I just feel it. Also be very aware of who Robert Morse is, he is a very hard core new age “you are God” blasphemer, his evil spiritual beliefs get inserted into his nutritional claims as well, a lot of bs and lies, I suggest looking elsewhere, it is too hard to sift through all his bs.

  31. Andrew says:

    Just the inspiration I needed while having doubts on a %100 fruit diet.

  32. Kathryn says:

    I just laughed my ass off, Squeegy! And I was going to go to bed early. Now, I’m going to send this post to my sister who has struggled with TN for years and who likes to struggle with me about my raw veganism. I thoroughly loved my watermelon fast and felt so good the next day. More, more, more said the baby! Thank you and bless you!

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